But.. Where's the Fatted Calf?

Welp, I am now in Chicago and I can't quite say it's going exactly as I expected it to be. I thought there'd be a "Welcome Home Our Darling Baby" hand-painted sign in the living room with confetti poppers going off as I opened the front door. Maybe my mom would be weeping tears of happiness in the corner with a homemade cupcake extended in her outstretched hand. You know, just normal expectations. But I got none of that. The very least I thought there'd be a home made dinner...and instead I nuked myself some chicken nuggets in the toaster oven. You guys, there weren't even cookies in the cupboard. I mean, why did I even come? But in all fairness my...